Well 20 Weeks In…20 To Go ( Did I mention I am kind of scared? )

Hey Friends,

For those of you who have seen my post on Facebook already know that me and my boyfriend Johnny are expecting our first little one in April, I am at the halfway point and it has been an easy yet bumpy road. Let me take you back to when we found out…

It was the first Sunday in September when I took the at home test, it was about 6:30 am and everyone was still sleeping. I was excited and nervous and scared at the same time….a few minutes passed and I had finally got the courage to look….and there they were two pink lines, one being very faint but still noticeable. I was excited and didn’t want to wait to tell Johnny, so I woke him up, not knowing what he was going to think at the time. He was groggy and probably still half asleep but I got his attention when I said “now don’t freak out but I have something to show you. ” He looked at the test and was like “yep I see it now you have to call the Dr. so we can be sure” and then he practically fell back asleep (now you have to remember this was just before 7). I just laid there wide awake not knowing what to think even though all of these questions were going through my mind. The first thing was calling the Doctor. Now a lot of you may not know this about me but I have a very hard time with having people look at me (especially men) which is why you rarely see my legs. Yes I am self conscious but that isnt the full reason…I am not ready to discuss that part of my past, maybe at a later time. So because of that reason I had never been to a “lady” Doctor before, well except once when I thought I felt a lump on my chest and my mom took me to see hers which was a male. When we went to that one I started having a panic attack as soon as we left the house and it progressively got worse till i was practically convulsing in panic in the waiting room and he didnt even look at me that day. So because of my phobia I had to look around, thankfully a few months before Johnny started helping me ease into finding a female doctor that was a female, and that is when I came across Adagio. I had emailed them seeing if the had female doctors and they let me know that they did, so when I found out that I am pregnant they were the only ones I could call. I am thankful for those ladies everyday, if it wasnt for them and there helpfulness with my anxiety I would probably be here 20 weeks pregnant and having no prenatal care at all, maybe I wouldnt even be pregnant at this point. That week went pretty fast it seems. I kept putting the call of till Wednesday and when I called they got me in that day. Instead of putting me in an exam room they put me in a small office to help with the anxiety. There Johnny and I got to meet Linda, who has been a complete Angel (for lack of a better term) this whole time. That day she talked to us about prenatal care and how to tell our loved ones and just reassured us, which to me was very helpful. When we left the office Johnny was in total awe, he looked at me and said “guess what” then he picked me up swung me around and said “We are having a baby!!!” The next day we had a sono done because I had been spotting a little and Linda wanted to make sure everything was okay. When we finally saw our baby for the first time (even though it was just a little blimp on the screen) I cried, I was just so happy. When parents say I believe in love at first site because I am a parent, I always thought that it was when the child was born, but at that moment I knew it was when you first see that little blimp on the screen and hear the heartbeat for the first time. We told everyone a week after I took the test, now that we knew everything was okay. I was so scared to tell people but I knew that God was watching over me and this was his plan for me then, well I wasnt that scared anymore. Everyone was excited, my mom even told me she knew already (she has this habit of knowing people are pregnant before they do). The next few weeks went by without a hitch. The only symptom I was having was being extremely tired, everyone said I was lucky cause I didnt have any morning sickness. We had a few doctors appointments here and there but they were all pretty normal. I had to go in and do a routine test that was checking for anomalies first was an ultrasound where they were looking things over. While doing the ultrasound they saw that the thick of the skin behind the neck was a little thicker then normal, by a little I mean .1 mm which to Johnny and I didn’t seem like much because when Johnny was a baby so was his, but to be on the safe side we got some blood work using a new test called the MaterniT21 test, which is a test where they take blood from me to check for chromosomal issues in the baby.  It was going to take 7 business days to get the results back and for those 10 days (including weekends) I did my best not to think about it. Two Tuesdays after the test was done I got a phone call in the middle of work from the Dr. so I ran back to the break room to call them back. Thats when I got the news that my baby, my first child showed signs of having trisomy 21 aka Down syndrome. I was devastated, I didn’t know how I was going to handle it, or even afford it, but I knew that God will help me through whatever it takes. We went to the Dr in Erie and had a chat with her. She said there was three choices I could choose from (I already knew which one I was going to choose) she said 1 we can go through this pregnancy like normal, 2 we can do an amnio to be 100% sure, or 3 we can terminate the pregnancy. My desision was number 1 because I would rather go through the whole pregnancy thinking my baby has downs and finding out they dont then not having a baby at all. I am not giving up on my baby, she was given to me for a reason and I will help her live a long and happy life. So since then we have been having many Drs appointments and many more to come. We had the anatomy ultrasound a bit ago and guess what my little baby is going to be a girl. Johnny and I are ecstatic thinking of the future and the life we are going to give our precious daughter. Well this blog is quite long and even though I have way more to say I am going to cut it off here. I will keep y’all posted on Johnny, me and our daughters progress. Yikes only 20 weeks to go it may be a long ride but I will enjoy the journey.

❤ Holli

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